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[Review] - Warehouse 13, Season 4 Episode 13, "The Big Snag"

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Courtesy of Universal Cable Productions
A bit of house cleaning to begin: at the Ottawa Comiccon this past weekend, when questioned about his role in the Warehouse 13 season premiere by the enthusiastic crowd, James Marsters said that, as far as he could remember (he filmed his role some time ago) he won't be reappearing until the final two episodes of the season, which are also the episodes Anthony Stewart Head are set to appear in. Here's hoping for some snarking between them.

Until then, the show is left to fend for itself, and if they give us more episodes like the Big Snag, it won't feel like very long at all. The tongue-in-cheek noir homage was a blast, and a reminder of how much fun the show can be (something we've needed a strong reminder of for a while now), and how easy it can be to reclaim what made the series so good in the early days.

Hit the jump for the review, which contains spoilers that also look stunning in black and white.


The episode lacked any kind of real set up, foregoing any sort of technobabble or other nonsense to get them into the manuscript, and just had it happen. And it worked. Why bog the story down trying to come up with an explanation? Suddenly, they are in black and white because of a whammy, done. It allowed the episode to take off right from the get go, and never relent until the closing moments, when things started to fall apart.

I'm a big fan of stories involving travelling through fiction, and while Warehouse 13 didn't touch on any of the philosophical notions that can arise from such adventures (namely, had time slowed for the trapped author, so from his perspective it's only been moments since he appeared, or has he been endlessly repeating the same story fragments for 60 years?), it still took the opportunity to have as much fun with it as possible. While Myka being a fan of the author and the encyclopedia of forties pulp fiction is nothing new to the show (she is Mrs. Exposition, after all), it did allow the show to play with all the standard tropes of the genre. If it has happened in a gangster film, it made an appearance. Hard boiled detectives, shadowy figures, a scorned lover, a misdirection. And all peppered with as much flamboyant slang as a period thesaurus can generate, and which Eddie McClintock was reveling in.

And boy did the episode look good. Period costumes, excellent set pieces (especially the club scene, a staple of the genre), and effective use of the black and white effect. The director also clearly didn't just change the hue on the digital print, they planned what the scenes would look like in monochrome, and used that to stage the shots. It wasn't lazy, is my point, and it was nice to see, considering that sometimes the show can seem a little flat and by-the-numbers.

Elsewhere, and happily, Artie continues to be unstable. I won't stop saying how please I am that the events of last season have had a lingering and permanent effect on the character, which gives the show a sense of consistency and permanency, and not just a reset button embedded in the credits. His grief is manifesting as wanton disregard for his own safety, though I wouldn't say suicidal. His fanatical insistence that no one else will die while he's around, excluding apparently himself, is an effective manifestation of his trauma. What I'm worried about is that, having revealed that Jinx is once again working secretly for the Regents, that they might have some whammy in store that will fix things a little too cleanly, rather then just, I don't know, getting him a couple free sessions with a shrink. Surely they've got one of those on staff, they seem to have one of everything else.

Where the episode stood on less stable ground was undoubtedly the ending, which felt like the sort of thing that got tacked on until they came up with something better, and never did. And Enrico Colantoni, who is an actor of talent and quality, just obviously didn't care about the role. His attempt at the gangster voice wasn't even half hearted, and he seemed to just read his lines with as little effort as possible, to get through the scene. It was disappointing, considering the mini Galaxy Quest reunion that happened between him and Missi Pyle, that he just wasn't feeling it. And considering that everyone else was having an obvious blast, it made it all the more noticeable (and while I think that yes, a certain amount of it was the beleaguered nature of the character, the line delivery was enough for me to think it was mostly just apathy on Colantoni's part).

A strong offering from a series from which that isn't always a guarentee. Hopefully a sign of things to come rather then an anomoly. Keep the plots simple and fun, keep trying new and inventive plot devices, and keep putting Claudia in the field. These are the secrets to success.

This Is Nothing New

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The first real trailer for Riddick, the third entry (fourth, if you count the superior video games, which you should) in the Chronicles of Riddick series has appeared, and for those that took a distinct dislike to Chronicles should appreciate how very much like Pitch Black this film looks. The resemblance is considerable. That's not to say it doesn't look like fun, because when is Vin Diesel kicking a half shadowed alien in the face not fun?

The trailer lacks the required amount of Karl Urban though, which is to say any at all. The next needs to fix this glaring oversight.

Movies Are Like Subway Lines, They're All Filled With Hobos... Wait

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Click to make substantially larger.

David Honnorat over at Vodkaster has put together a clever image, the best movies of all time (some of his choices are very arguable) laid out like a subway map. So, for instance, Star Wars is a transfer hub at the intersection of the Sci-fi, Fantasy and Universally Acclaimed Masterpieces lines. And oddly, the result doesn't look that dissimilar (if substantially simpler) to users of the London Underground.

How I wish I could get off at Rear Window rather then Aldgate.

Via First Showing.

[Review] - Star Trek Into Darkness, In IMAX (Spoiler Free)

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[Author's Note: This is the first part of my complete review of Into Darkness; the concluding part will be posted on Monday after everyone has had a chance to see the film. This part is my impressions of the film in general, and Monday will be my thoughts on the specific, spoilerific aspects of the film.]

Courtesy of Paramount Studios

I've said before that the best way I can think to describe Star Trek is that it is a relentlessly watchable film. J.J. Abrams made an incredibly accessible film, which managed to capture the spark and spirit of the originals, and made the series fun again. Of course, the science in the movie was horrid, some of the worst I've seen in a while, but that suggests to me that J.J and the writers were more concerned with getting the characters and the emotion right, rather then getting hung up on technical details (arguably one of the things that brought the franchise to it's knees).

The followup, Into Darkness, is a relentless movie. There are no pauses, no breaks, and very few nestled pockets of calm. Those that there are don't last very long. Once the action starts, and to the film's credit it does take some time to actually start, it never relents. However, the price the film pays for that relentless pace is to sacrifice what makes Star Trek stand out from most other science fiction, and the reason it has lasted nearly fifty years: the film lacks any real message or substance. It is an exciting thrill ride, that is also an empty vessel.

Hit the jump for the review, which has been, and always shall be, spoiler free.


Technically, this film is a marvel. The digital effects, something I am usually highly critical of, are spectacular and done with the highly level of regard and quality. Possibly because they are largely restricted to the space-based scenes where flaws are less noticeable. But the film looks gorgeous, and whatever faults you may have with Abrams as a director, you cannot claim that the man doesn't know how and when to point a camera in the right direction. The Enterprise in space is one of the few things that can get me teary in the eye, and the shots of the ship, enhanced by the 3D and the IMAX depth, were breathtaking. There is a transition in the opening sequence, from a drawing in the sand to the ship in space, as it launches itself into warp, that is numbing at how simply beautiful it is.

But that is enough gushing, as I am libel to do when it comes to the Enterprise. The story is this: a terrorist attack in London is followed up by another in San Fransisco, leading Kirk and company on a top secret mission to hunt down and kill the culprit, John Harrison, played with depth and aplomb by Benedict Cumberbatch. As they find out once on this mission, which takes them from Earth to the Klingon homeworld of Kronos (with an apparently already exploded Praxis) and back, this are not always as cut and dry as catch the bad guy. Things are not always as clear as "bad guy."

The cast is in fine form, and actually feel like they own the roles now, rather then renting them as they did in the first film. In the lead up to the film, I said I didn't have an emotional connection to these actors in these roles yet, and that may well have turned the corner. There are still some rough patches, mostly with Zoe Saldana as Uhura, though more because the character is so drastically different then the original it might as well be a different one. And Anton Yelchin as Chekov because, like the original, he is given the least to do in the script. Cumberbatch, who no one was doubting would give a stand out performance, is good as Punchy deus ex MacGuffin, alternating between a Vulcan calm and a creature of pure rage, and will undoubtedly bury any mention of Peter Weller, who is just as if not more impressive as Admiral Marcus. So I'm not going to bury him: Weller gives just as genuine and commanding a performance as everyone else, playing the beleaguered and at times desperate head of Starfleet Command, and his scenes with Pine's Kirk, the sense of a kindred spirit, are fantastic. And provides a completely different sort of mentor from the one we also get in Bruce Greenwood's Admiral Pike, who is as always awesome.

Also new to the cast is Alice Eve as Carol Marcus, recast as a weapons expert rather then a biologist from the original time line, and it was good to see another woman in the cast, even if she has little to do. The other series were more equalised in terms of gender, but in the original series Uhura stood largely alone. No more, and hopefully in later instalments, Marcus is expanded upon further. I give kudos to the writers for not, considering the character history in the franchise, just making her a love interest for Kirk. Despite some brief flirtation between her and Bones of all people, she wasn't added in as just rom-com fodder. That role goes entirely to Uhura and Spock's continuing relationship, which has reached Tracey and Hepburn levels of bickering.

Speaking of bickering, the film is very funny. Some people had complaints about the numb-tongue scene in the first film, but I thought it was a great diversion from the stuffiness that Trek can take on when it takes itself too seriously. While there is nothing as obviously slap-stick in Darkness, and it doesn't venture into straight up comedy as Iron Man 3 did, it is a very funny script, much of it at Spock's expense, but who better to laugh at then the man who will never get the joke. Humour, used appropriately, is an important element in any fiction, and one I take most serious, and thankfully it is the one thing that writers Kurtzman, Orci and Lindelof got right.

What they got wrong, on the other hand, is something else entirely, and pretty much the rest of the film. I won't discuss specifics right now, but the film suffers from second and third act issues, where action set pieces distract from the actual storytelling and the storytelling borders on plagiarism. The results are alienating, and lazy. While the motivations for all of the film's actions are kept quite simple (always better) and quite reasonable, the method for going about them becomes muddled as layer after layer of subversion, betrayal and confusion gets heaped on. That, and so very much of the film is about specific characters having a difficult time running to press very particular buttons, an act that seems laughable on a ship as advanced as the Enterprise.

The worst vice of the script is the lack of message. Or, theme even. Trust maybe, but any adherence to that theme disappears early in the second act. Star Trek, from it's very beginning, has always been about ideas (frustratingly, Abrams has said many times that the reason he was never a Trek fan as a kid was because it was too much about the ideas). The first film had great themes, about destiny, about loyalty, about identity. This film starts out promising great ideas, and even parades them before us in the opening scenes. The Prime Directive is set up with such fervour, you'd think it was going to go somewhere, but it doesn't. Responsibility, honour, even the modern issue of drone attacks is brought up. But none of it is every explored. Plots are introduced and dumped without a second thought. Contravences replace actaul plotting. The characters get their moments, and as in the last film the focus is on the evolving relationship between Kirk and Spock (a great subplot that goes absolutely no where is Spock's jealousy over Marcus as the new science officer), but for emotions to really mean something there has to be a force behind it. In the end, when sacrifices are made, the reasons for the sacrifice aren't there. It just happens, and is sad. There is no substance to them.

The science was, once again, horrid, with the writers having no sense of scale, or distance, or speed. The Enterprise makes the jump from the Neutral Zone to Earth in seconds, despite being damaged, and the distance being hundreds, if not thousands of light years. The "warp zone" is treated as a physical thing for the first time in franchise history, taking on a liquid, Stargate like function. There is little consistency in terms of abilities. Communications between ships isn't possible because of battle damage, but they can hail a colony in another star system. They can't beam up targets from a moving platform because it's moving, but they can beam someone down. As I said before, everything is apparently manual. But those errors can be overlooked for not being universe-ending super nova, which is just a dumb idea. I would like to note that the Enterprise, a majestic lady of peace and exploration, has long been voiced by the stern yet comforting voice of Majel Barrett, while the U.S.S. Vengeance is personified by a cold male voice. That is as close as the film gets to symbolism.

What is clear after the credits have rolled (and don't bother sticking around, there isn't anything afterwards) is that Abrams will make a very good Star Wars movie. Because Wars has never been about the message, it's about space wizards and gimp-suit iron lungs and flashy space battles. Those things are good, and they are in fine form in Darkness. But the movie doesn't live up to being a Star Trek film, but falls into the trap of just being a very pretty, viscerally enjoyable action movie rather then an intellectual one, and yes it is possible to be both (Skyfall, Avengers, many of the original Star Trek films). It's immediate predecessor was far superior, and for reasons I will not go into yet, Darkness has a myriad of other issues that frustrate me all the more. J.J. Abrams has recently stood on the shoulders of giants: Spielberg with Super 8, Nicholas Meyer with this film, and soon to be George Lucas. What I would like to see is Abrams stand on his own shoulders for a while.

And I think the best way for him to do that is to leave the Final Frontier behind.

Dredd 2 Might Still Be Possible

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Courtesy of DNA Films
 I'm not one of these people who thinks every movie needs a sequel. Few movies should have sequels. And the lack of a sequel does not diminish the quality of the original. In fact, a crappy sequel can lower your opinion of an original. That being said, and despite the current environment of trying to turn every single property into a franchise, some sequels work.

I loved Dredd, this has been established. And while a sequel would have been nice, it wasn't required. Unfortunately, the box office take for the film wasn't high enough (thanks to bungled marketing and region releases) to warrant an immediate green light to a follow up. The DVD sales soared upon released, buoyed by good word of mouth, but still not into the regions that studios look to when thinking "profit." So, a sequel was dead, and the film can stand on it's own.

Or, maybe not. In an interview with Collider, Karl Urban (currently doing the rounds for Star trek Into Darkness) said,
"Interestingly enough, I did have breakfast with Alex Garland this morning.  It’s not off the agenda.  Clearly everyone has woken up to the fact that an audience has found this movie and loves it.  It’s entirely possible, and if people want to see another instalment then they should be vocal about that, because, it can happen.  The power of fandom can resurrect projects.  In fact, that’s what happened with Star Trek.  They weren’t going to do a third season until fans did a letter writing campaign and they continued that series."
Garland was the writer of the Dredd film, and had planned a three film arc for the character. Now, usually, when an actor says that a movie is happening before a director or a studio, I fall back on an inflated sense of hesitation. As Nathan Fillion said this past weekend at the Ottawa Comiccon, unless you are a producer too, all an actor can really say is they hope a project will happen, not that it actually will.

But I feel you can take Urban's word for it. It was his insistence that a respectful and accurate Dredd movie be made. It was his involvement from the beginning that got the first one filmed, and it will be his rising star that gets a sequel made, if nothing else.

Via Collider.

The Only Thing Better Than Friends Is Killing The Guy Who Killed Your Friends

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I think this trailer for Axe Cop speaks for itself.

[Review] - Star Trek Into Darkness, In IMAX (Spoiler Filled)

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[Author's Note: This is a companion to my review of Into Darkness, which can be found here. I suggest you read it to get my impressions of the film in general, and come back here for my thoughts on the specific, spoilerific aspects of the film. You have been warned.]

Courtesy of Paramount Studios.
Is it wrong that one of my favourite things about Into Darkness was, because I went to one of the IMAX fan sneak peeks last Wednesday, I got this bloody lovely poster as a free gift? Does that make me shallow?


Into Darkness is a film that presents some interesting ideas, leaves them all behind in the second act in favour of fist fights and ray guns, and then reveals it's true nature in a "twist" that completely undermines the rest of the film.Not only undermines it, but flaunts the fact that it is stealing from a better film, and calling itself bold and original. Not only is that insulting, but it pretty much goes against the whole point of rebooting the franchise to begin with.

Hit the jump for the review, where the needs of the spoilers outweigh the needs of the few.


"I am Khan."

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. Here I was hoping that all that misdirection was actually a smoke screen, setting us up with the assumption that Khan would be the role, when actually it was just John Harrison, original character and unprecedented threat. The reboot films had the opportunity, and as perfect casting in Cumberbatch as the originals did in Ricardo Montalban, to create a definitive villain from which all future instalments would look back on and strive towards. Instead, the inclusion of Khan will generate nothing but an eternity of comparison between this and the superior film, Wrath of Khan (as this review will no doubt demonstrate). The film will never exist on it's own, and Cumberbatch's performance will never stand on it's own, as it could.

Worse yet, by making Harrison Khan, the rest of the film from that point on stops being Into Darkness, and is only just a remake of Wrath. A bad remake. Which isn't meant to be the point of doing this. They've been doing that in the IDW comics series, and it was only when they started telling original stories that it got any good. Star Trek wasn't a remake, or a retool of any specific episode or film, it was an original story, with original villains, setting up established characters in new and exciting ways. Things were unpredictable, dictated by the quality of the story rather then an adherence to homage or because that was the way things happened before (see Vulcan's fate for a ready example). The final third of this movie is just a straight up remake, done in the overly flashy and less meaningful way that most remakes are, except using the exact same lines, and the exact same situations, only without any substance or complex emotion behind it. There are scenes in this film that are literally cut and pasted from the Wrath script, with some character names changed. That isn't writing, and Kurtzman, Orci and (sigh) Lindelof should be aware they didn't do their jobs.

And it was a pointless happenstance. With the exception of two scenes, removing references to the character as Khan and replacing it with Harrison change the film in no way. And those two scenes could have been removed without incident, or explained away with a changed bit of dialogue. Involving Khan was not necessary for the dexterity of the film, it was fan wank at it's worst. To me, Harrison was a far more compelling option, and Khan deflated almost of the excitement that had built up over the course of the first half of the film. Harrison is established as being a rogue agent for Section 31, essentially making him Silva from Skyfall. That is all the explanation you need for why he is a brilliant tactician, and a genius when it comes to developing technologies, not that he is a 300 year old criminal from an age where warp drives didn't exist. His super blood could be given some technobabble explanation, and his motivation could be as simple as Starfleet took away his non freezie-pop family to force him to work for them.

The Leonard Nimoy cameo, and I cannot claim that my first emotional response upon seeing him again was not one of glee, could have been excised entirely, and should have been, as it provided nothing other then a confirmation that Khan was indeed not to be trusted, and undermines the beautiful send off to the character and the actor that was the first film. It undermines his very presence if Spock is able to simple call his future self for pointers, and despite the elder's insistence that he won't give him the answers he wants, he does anyway. So what was the point of it other then to dance around the fact that Khan killed Spock, and Nimoy's reaction was not nearly emotional enough upon hearing his name, even for a Vulcan. And it destroys the one interesting thing the film had going for it, that once Marcus is revealed to be the bad guy, Khan might be a creature of circumstance, and a valuable asset to Kirk. Without events transpiring as they did in the Prime timeline, Khan is an extremist, yes, but someone you can work and reason with. And is apparently now a white skinny guy. But on elder Spock's word alone, Khan is doomed.

The end of the film didn't work for a couple reasons. First, this is still early days for these versions of these characters. They've known each other for maybe a year at most. Kirk explicitly states that he doesn't trust Spock at the beginning of the film, and Spock does not yet believe in Kirk. They haven't even built the foundation of their relationship yet. Wrath took place after these character had decades of friendship behind them, trusted each other more then anyone else in the universe, and that Spock's death was a gut wrenching statement about how far each was willing to go for the other. Here, Kirk's sacrifice (which was completely empty thanks to the least subtle Chekov's Superblood I've seen in a while) carries none of that weight. He dies to save the ship, to protect his crew, but his and Spock's reactions to his death are selfish. They only want to know how they should feel, not how much it means to the other. It also doesn't help that while Spock's death was simple and straight forward, Kirk's was a ridiculous set piece filmed in a McDonald's PlayPlace.

What made Khan so effective as a villain originally was that, in the entire film, he never lays a hand on anyone but Chekov. He's an intellectual villain, destroying them from afar with his mind rather then through brute force. This film forgoes all that in favour of fist fights. Indeed, the big climax is nothing more then a lowest common denominator brawl. Spock, the most intellectual character on the show and one of the great fictional champions of mind over matter, gets into fisticuffs with the greatest tactician in the universe on a skiff, and that is as much a statement about the rest of the film as anything else.

The writers also ramped up the references to the original series to a degree where, in the first film it was playful and fun, but this film it gets annoying and distracting. Bryan Burk, producer on the film, has said that it was meant to be a Star Trek movie for someone who has never seen Star Trek. That couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, it was more isolating and less accessible then the first film. And then it was also alienating to those long time fans that were expecting something more, something deeper. Instead, the film feels like a very expensive Robot Chicken sketch.

I mentioned in part one of this review that it is time for Abrams to leave this world behind. And his commitment to Star Wars, and the studio's desire to have the next Trek film out for the 50th in 2016 makes his presence behind the camera all but impossible. And I'm fine with that. The franchise needs a new direction (and certainly new writers), ones less concerned with appealing to fans or not making a "Star Trek" Star Trek film (or trying to be both at once), and someone interested in making a damned good film, with heart and brains, that everyone can be proud of. And Trek has proven many times in the past that it can be done.

Looks like we might be back to the old on-off nature of the Trek franchise. So, I guess that means things are looking up for the next one.

[Review] - Doctor Who, Series 7 Finale Episode 14, "The Name of the Doctor"

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It's not usually a good sign when the finale of a show is accompanied by a sigh of relief. Ideally, the end of a series should cause anger and anxious craving for more. But the seventh series of Doctor Who, which because of the screwed up way the episodes are funded and were broken up, dates back all the way to The Doctor, The Widow and the Wardrobe, has left me cold. It lacked a creative focus, which meant the writers weren't working towards any particular goal, leaving the characters to flounder in their stories, which by and large left me wanting.

So I had low expectations for this finale episode, buoyed by some vague comments from the creative team, and a personal belief that things like the Doctor's name and any specific information about him before he first appeared on screen in The Unearthly Child is irrelevant. So it was heartening when what we got was an impressively strong entry, probably the best of the current series, Moffat's best since series five, and one of the strongest finales the show has ever done. Not everything was perfect, mind. But a hell of a lot better then any episode we've had since The God Complex.

Hit the jump for the review, which contains spoilers that once visited their own graves. It was nice.


Moffat has, I hope, learned that the complexity of episodes does not to reflect of the complexity of the ideas the episode presents, and that you can have a linear, orderly and simple plot, which contains intricate, thought provoking and complicated ideas. Name is as simple a plot as we've gotten from Moffat in his time with the Doctor. Which is to say, not simple at all, but it was a definite step backwards from The Wedding of River Song, which was when the event horizon of needless plot pileups, abandoned half ideas and self one-upmanship was reached.

The episode brought together several elements of the show that have been at work since Moffat began writing for the series, and each was working at their best. River appeared, was minor, but effective. Less an instigator and more an emotional trigger. I've never bought the relationship between the two; I've never believed enough was done onscreen for me to believe he loved her any more then he's ever loved any other human. Saying that much happened off screen is a cheat, and it suggests that anything he did feel he only did because he was told he would, and he convinced himself it was true. This was compounded by the fact that River only ever appeared in episodes written by Moffat, and thus tended to focus on the series arcs, rather then slow, emotionally driven character pieces. Here though, I honestly believed he loved her, and she him (the latter was never in doubt though). I just wish that at some point we might have seen this raw sort of emotion from the Doctor towards her, to establish the building of that love rather then just it's final expression.

Vastra, Jenny and Strax finally lived up to what Moffat has simply assumed about the characters to this point, that the concept of them would be enough to carry their appearances. Here, they prove themselves worthy of the fans adoration, and prove why companions are important. Too often of late the Doctor has been required to be everything for the show: the knowledgeable, the feared, the afraid, while the companion just sort of tags along. The Victorian Trio contradicte and compliment each other, filling in the gaps the others leave. None would be the same without the others. And they all a marvelous. If nothing else comes out of this series, let it be the lesbian lizard lady and her potato headed sidekick (I'm going to miss writing that).

The total effectiveness of the episode is diminished due to the fact that the big conclusions of the episodes weren't conclusions to big events. If this series had been whole, or better structured, or had a focused plan rather then a laundry list of references it had to make, there would have been more of a build up to the events of Trenzalore. I'll say what I will about Russell T. Davies' time on the show (and have), but the man knew how to seed an idea. Moffat so wanted Clara to be Bad Wolf, or even the time cracks. He's still using the model that the last two years have been an active attempt to move away from. For Clara's actions, or her mystery, to be emotionally interesting, there has to be more of a build up. We encountered her twice, and spent the rest of the series just wondering aloud why, rather then encountering her more often (as might have been expected) or actually attempting to solve the mystery.

The same can be said of The Great Intelligence, once again played by the utterly wasted Richard E. Grant. I said it at Christmas, why hire someone like Grant to effectively do nothing? And as like Clara, setting the GI's history on the show aside, if we are to take him seriously as a threat to the Doctor, or if we are to believe he has spent untold millennia hunting down the Doctor's tomb, in order to burn him from existence, it would be nice to see some of the times the Doctor defeated him. Instead, we got the Snowman, and we got the wi-fi thing, and nothing else (Yeti's aside). No other appearances, no hints, no manipulations. The presence of this great and all consuming malevolent force just wasn't felt, it was absent, then suddenly he pops up and says "fear me," and our first reaction really ought to be "why?" If the series hadn't been so preoccupied with referencing as many old series bits and characters, they might have found a moment to reference the Yeti, or have Grant's image pop up screen more then once, or have his invisible hand working the machine. Why not the Whisper Men, his agents apparently. Their chilling appearance following the Doctor would have been a well set of bread crumbs.

The Whisper Men were arguably the biggest weakness of the episode, as they only served to remind us that they weren't the Silence. Where were the Silence, anyway? Has Moffat gone off them entirely? I see no reason they couldn't have been substituted in for the Whispers without hardly any difference. And considering the Silence were so intent on preventing the Doctor from getting to Trenzalore in the first place, you'd think they would have been on the scene. And why, exactly, did they not want the question answered (we now know that his name opens the tomb, but why would the Silence not want the tomb opened)? And, while we're on the matter, what took control of the TARDIS back in the Pandorica Opens.

This is where Moffat falls down, I'm afraid. Too many ideas, and not enough keeping track of them. Or, coming up with something that sounds good at the time, and not figuring out a way to follow through on it. Take Clara. Of all the possible explanations for how and why she was the "impossible girl," this one was undoubtedly the best. Those bouncing around the internet were stupid and infuriating and would have left a bad taste in our mouths. This one at least made sense (I use "sense" in a way that means almost exactly what it's meant to, but not quite). Though, Moffat needs to come up with a new way to explain things that doesn't involve crossing time streams. As plot devices go, that one gets one "get out of jail free card," and this was the revival's eighth or ninth go at it, so just stop.

However, this use wasn't consistent. Clara's previous appearances established that she had no idea who the Doctor was or memories of her "real" life, except maybe subconsciously. It is said in this episode that she was fragmented into a billion echoes of herself, reincarnated over and over. Not the souffle, but the recipe. But the various flashes of her encountering the other Doctor's have her knowing who he is, interacting with him, using knowledge she shouldn't have, even being inside the TARDIS. The Seventh Doctor never travelled with a Clara, or Oswin, so how can she be there, and be her. She can't, the show moments ago said she'd be a Clara, not the Clara. I don't care what crazy timey-whimey plot device you use, but at least be consistent about it.

Oh, and as an aside, 17 years ago Deep Space Nine did an episode where modern actors were spliced into the original Star Trek episode The Trouble With Tribbles, and it looked seamless. As much as it was nice to see all the Doctors again (classic anyway), how is it that the effect looked as rubbish as it did, with Jenna Lousie-Coleman so obviously on a green screen, and the original clips so obviously manipulated?

Also, I have a big problem with the revival's constant deification of the companions. Each is apparently the most important person who ever lived, instead of the point of them, in that they are just normal people doing extraordinary things. I refuse to accept the notion that Clara was such a powerful influence on the Doctor's existence from the beginning, for the reasons stated above, but because until just now, we've had no evidence of this. Again, if this series had done a better job seeding this plot, if the Doctor had, over the course of episodes, remembered running into her over and over again, I might have accepted it as anything but an example of fan wank. Fan wank that ruined the poetry of Neil Gaiman's revelation that the TARDIS chose the Doctor.

There was a lot in this episode that didn't make a lot of sense, as happens when you let the idea take control rather then the character, and forget to keep things grounded. How does Clara's presence somehow negate that of the Great Intelligence, without there being an eternal conflict between the two just out of the Doctor's line of sight? Where exactly did Clara drop into at the end? Was it the Doctor's mind, or was it a physical place, because both seem to be suggested. How did the Doctor remember the Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS, when that day never happened? Exactly how many times can characters be killed and brought back before death becomes completely pointless, yet we're still expected to believe there is a sense of danger on the show (even Amy got to live to death). All of that though is just water through the cracks, the price you pay for the really good stuff, and I probably shouldn't let it distract me.

I'm of the sort that believe, after fifty years, any attempt to reveal the Doctor's name is a pointless one. So when Moffat kept saying things like "his greatest secret will be revealed," my response was one of hesitation. I only foresaw any attempt to tackle this subject going badly. Happily, I was only looking at it straight on, and Moffat, showing a shade of himself that he hasn't really since getting the job a few series ago, was looking at it from another angle. That "The Name of the Doctor" wasn't literally his name, but rather more a philosophy, the code by which he has lived by during his time as the Doctor, is a much more satisfying way of exploring a very well known character. Mostly because it has depth and can be analysed, and isn't just "Trevor."

That the Doctor specifically considers one of his incarnations not to be The Doctor, that he so broke this code he regards him as an entirely different being, is a powerful statement of self loathing. And that the Doctor has knowledge of these actions suggests that it is a previous incarnation, and yet he's new to us. It should be reminded that the Doctor experienced the same sort of psychic flash in the control room that Clara did when she remembered the day that didn't happen. Did the Doctor receive a mind load of future knowledge, or is there another answer?

His greatest secret is another matter, and it all depends on what exactly is meant by the reveal that concludes the episode. My first instinct was the implication was that John Hurt (a brilliant choice, no matter how it all turns out) was 12, and thus the reveal of his greatest secret, the one thing the Doctor, and us as viewers, can never know: what comes next. The show has never given us a glimpse of what is to come beforehand without it being a massive cop out. Alternatively, there is an implication that Hurt is actually playing 8, the only Doctor whose fate is still unknown. He don't know how long he lived, and the exact circumstances of his death. All we know is that his actions ended the Time War.

So, the action he took in "the name of peace and sanity" may well refer to the struggle that brought a final end to the Time Lords, the first great addition the revival added to the mythos of the show, and a questions fans have been demanding the answer to ever since. Those actions, which burned Gallifrey from the sky, were certainly enough to make 9 a hardened, battle worn despot, and perhaps enough to make 11 hate himself for what he did so much that he exiled that entire regeneration to the bottom of his memory.As much as I long for Paul McGann to return to the role that he's only been able to explore in audio dramas, I desperately hope that Hurt is playing the aged version of that same regeneration, and that the 50th will take us into the heart of the Time War itself.

We'll find out, I expect, on November 23rd, and what exactly the Zygons have to do with it. See you then.

Pacific Rim May Contains Some Monsters, And A Couple Robots. That's Just A Guess

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I'll say it again: how are they aliens if they come from the bottom of the ocean? All that makes them is damp. So long as Pacific Rim answers that question, I will gladly spend two hours watching robots beat the ever living snot out of monsters.

Of course, I was going to do that anyway, but this way I'll enjoy it more.

[Review] - Game Of Thrones, Season 3 Episode 8, "Second Sons"

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[Author's Note: There is no episode of Continuum this week, and no epiosde of Game of Thrones next. So, the schedule is going to be screwed up for the next little while.]

Courtesy of HBO
This episode didn't have any favours working for it. Stuck between last week's George R.R. Martin scripted episode and the next episode, Rains of Castamere (the ninth, and if this season follows the pattern of the others, the episode where shit will go down), all that was really expected of it was to hold the course.

Last week was all about getting the pieces in position. This week was about holding the line. Focusing mostly on the plot lines that weren't featured last week, with one exception there wasn't a sense of progression in this episode, only one of foreboding. So everyone got to drink and screw and think that the thing they are seeing on the horizon is cause for hope.

Hit the jump for the review, which contains spoilers that pretend they are made of chicken. They aren't chicken.

The episode was a heavily focused one, which I've been saying all along is the direction the show needs to move. There were several shorter glimpses of other plots, but the majority of the time was spent (lingered, even) on Tryion and on Dany, with occasional leaps back to Dragonstone. And the penis torture continued from last week, in a new and cringe inducing form.

Tryion and Sansa's wedding was the prime story this week, a low key affair and mostly just to get it out of the way while preparations continue for the grand royal wedding, which at this point I presume will happen early next season. What was sorely missing from the episode, considering how much of it centred on Tyrion, was Bronn. Granted, I wouldn't question the logic of firing the cast, and rebranding the show as a Littlest Hobo meets Incredible Hulk, as Bronn roams the Seven Kingdoms going good works, and learning that he's more then just a sword. Also, there would be sarcasm and nudity. But since he's the closest thing Tryion has to a best friend, and a knight besides, his absence was especially glaring [it has since been pointed out to me that he was in fact there, and that I missed him. I feel my point stands] . If not at the wedding, then at least at the reception, where Dinklage and Charles Dance once again prove their compatibility in a snark contesting. And I really liked Tywin's jacket.

The best moment of the night however did not belong to Dinklage's drunken act, or his properly terrifying declaration that he would geld Joffery (the third reference to gelding in two weeks). It belonged to Diana Rigg, and her "I'm My Own Grandpa" routine with Loras and Margaery. Of all the character expansions and alterations the writers have made in adapting the books, her's in the one I'm most pleased with. They have really made Olenna a stand out character, which amongst this cast is really quite the achievement.

Except for the wedding, not much changed at King's Landing this week, though Cersei has apparently given up all pretence, and dropped the last of her cloak of kindness. After explaining in detail what happened to the upstart Reynes (as much for our convenience then hers), she flat out threatens the Queen-to-be, and later all but pushes Loras over the rampart, emotionally at least. Cersei, in her depression, has given up playing the game of thrones, it seems. And that can be dangerous as once you play, you play for life, and I cannot see her behaviour helping her in the long run. She might have learned a thing or two from her own tale, that the only thing that keeps her from being the Reynes in her own metaphor is that the Lannisters are in power. And power, as we know, resides where men believe it resides. And that shift can fall in the Tyrell's favour as quickly as the Lannisters can fall out of it.

Across the Narrow Sea, Dany continued not to waif, making active movements against Yunkai. Last week it was all dragons and bluster, this week she was thrust into the political ring (or as political as things get across the Narrow Sea). And to drive the point home that it wasn't about force and intimidation, the dragons were no where to be seen. Since surrender from the Yunkai was not forth coming, this week she sought to undermine their protective forces by attempting to sway the out manned Second Sons, sell swords under the employ of Yunkai. And I think if it proved anything definitively, its that if J.J. Abrams wants to include Obi-Wan in his Star Wars film, he needs to hire Ian McElhinney immediately. We also met Daario Naharis, adding yet another loyal follower to the Stormborn cause. She's built up quite the Small Council around her over the course of the season, considering she ended last year with only the loyal Mormont by her side.

Considering that GoT is a big, sprawling epic, the moments I most appreciate and most enjoy are the little moments. The quite, personal moments where the characters can show their humanity. Missandei sheepishly telling Dany that she can't speak Dothraki as well as she thinks she does is such a moment, and the show missed a perfect opportunity to make a closed captioning joke with Dany's failed pronunciation. Another was Davos' struggling to read, and the look of sheer delight on his face when he gets the sentence right all the way through. Since his introduction, Liam Cunningham's Onion Knight has been a favourite character, and Cunningham played him perfectly in that scene. And the scene that followed, with Stannis, really sold the idea that these two men are friends. So few of the characters on the show seem to have friends, so when there are those relationships, like Bronn and Tryion, or Stannis and Davos, they stick out. The mutual respect, not just loyal obedience. Considering the show was founded on the friendship between Robert and Ned, it's nice to see a few such groups still exist in Westeros.

The episode ended with an event that I've been waiting for, that happened a lot earlier in the novels, and is a major turning point, both for the mythology of the show, and for the character of Sam. This season, the scant few times we've seen him, he's been forced, by one ungodly event after another, to grow from the timid boy sent to the wall out of shame, into something that might approach a warrior. Gilly still bothers the ever living snot out of me, but so does Ygritte, so maybe I'm just not partial to Wildlings. But here, Sam managed to forget about himself and his fear for a moment, and charged head long into certain death, and came out the victor. Sam's obsidian blade proved not just fatal to a full-on White Walker, but instantly and dramatically deadly. This is the first we've seen a Walker in battle mode, and the single mindedness, barely pausing along the way to achieving their goal, was chilling and dismissive. This was one, going after a baby. Imagine what a legion heading for the wall would be like. So my question is why, since they alone in the wild, and have just discovered the only weapon known to protect them, does Sam leave the dagger laying in the snow after the Walker has dusted? And why would they run away from the tiny protective shack when Alfred Hitchcock briefly took over the show, instead of into the cold wide open?

No episode next week, because of a rating dip last year during the American Memorial Day (and that was Blackwater). Until then, I suggest you listen to this as many times as you can, just to prepare. And please show, from here on out, can we keep the penis torture to a minimum?

Never thought I'd have to ask that of anyone again.

"I Farted On You When You Put Banana Peppers In The Wheaties"

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I'm an established fan of these Bad Lip Reading videos, and this one lampooning the Walking Dead is no exception. Well, one exception: it's over five minutes long. That is too long. Maybe not for someone who likes the Walking Dead, but I can't stand that show and their terrible plotting anymore, so I gave up on it, and I gave up on this the first time I watched it. They should have split the video into two. Or left out some of the lines that just don't work. But I guess there are some big Walking Dead fans over a BLR, who just couldn't stand to ledit any of these jokes out.

And thus is the biggest problem in comedy: knowing what to cut.

Via Uproxx.

ComicsAlliance Is Only Mostly Dead

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No additional information available. No hints. No nudges. No idea what this means, and when it will mean whatever it does. Just this, and a wink.

Via ComicsAlliance.

Two Doctors Walk Into A TARDIS...

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Still reeling from the series finale on Saturday? Well, allow me to point out how very far away November 23rd is by posting this video of Matt Smith and David Tennent, in costume, getting along like old chums. And in no way clarifying what to me seems like an obvious twist at the end of the finale episode, and which many other people around the internet are over thinking.

And November? Still very far off. Sorry.

Via Den of Geek.

Well Played, Mr. Whedon. Well Played

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Via Nerdacy

I have complex feelings about spoilers, but what is simple is that too much has been lumped under the heading of "spoilers." Mostly, spoilers are just an excuse to justify being coy and... well, dickish. Take J.J. Abrams, whose staunch refusal to reveal who Benedict Cumberbatch was playing in Into Darkness not only wasn't unnecessary in terms of protecting the plot, but it also keelhauled the actors from being able to discuss their characters in public beforehand. And it wasn't a spoiler, or rather, it wasn't a twist, which is what we actually mean when we say "spoiler." Not really. It was revealed half way through the film, and didn't fundamentally change the direction of the film (I'll redirect you here to find out his identity, because if I do it here, people will yell).

It wasn't a spoiler. Spock dying at the end of Wrath of Khan, that's a spoiler. Norman Bates being the killer at the end of Psycho, that's a spoiler. Generally speaking, I feel that acknowledgement that a character is being present in a film is not a spoiler, it's just a credit. There are exceptions: Ben Kingsley being credited as The Mandarin in Iron Man 3, not a spoiler. Anything else, yes absolutely. Because that reveal fundamentally changes the focus and course of the remainder of the film. Same would be true of Liam Neeson being credited as Ra's Al Ghul in Batman Begins. Of course, this speaks more deeply to the weird twist-obsessed nature of film nowadays (and for which, like so many things, I blame M. Night Shyamalan), where the inclusion of a twist is expected or perceived to be mandatory. And revealing such a twist is paramount to killing joy. I live by a simple rule, one not invented, but deeply held by Alfred Hitchcock: don't give away the ending. Everything else is fair game.

Hit the jump to find out what Joss Whedon said to demand an article long enough for me to bury the lead after a jump.
All of this has been quite a long run up to getting you to think about the Avengers, a movie that is largely twist-less. There is no third act surprise, it is just the deliberate unveiling of character motivations and consequences. Skyfall too, for that matter. And I can't believe that two of last year's best films lacking an exploitative moment is a coincidence. But to hammer home this point, and to thumb the noses of the like of Abrams, or Doctor Who show runner Steven Moffat, who not only holds information back, but lies like a Cold War-era intelligence operative who is very good at lying, Whedon has done something remarkable: he was forth-with, honest and plain about something.

Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver, surprising no one, will be in the Avengers 2. Maybe. Sorry, but you have to qualify that statement when the script is still in the first draft and no actors have been cast. Until the film starts rolling, no one is guaranteed to be in the picture, and not even then what with editing and all. Said Whedon, talking to IGN, "They're interesting to me because they sort of represent the part of the world that wouldn't necessarily agree with The Avengers. So they're not there to make things easier. I'm not putting any characters in the movie that will make things easier."

What is refreshing is the cavalier and apathetic way that Whedon and Marvel films President Kevin Feige aren't shrouding this in mystery. It's just the facts, ma'am. They've tried mystery, with the various after credit sequences, and Iron Man 3 in particular, and have had some success. But I feel, and I suspect this is how Whedon probably feels too (you'd have to ask him to know for sure), is that people don't come to the table when they don't know what they're going to be expected to eat. So, this is what's on the menu.

He was also asked about the involvement of Tony Stark in Avengers 2, and said, "The question is, if The Avengers are called, does he show up? And the answer is, 'Yes!'" Considering the ending of Iron Man 3, I guess that means Whedon's going to have explaining to do come 2015.

I still think Captain Britain would have been a better choice, though.

Via The Mary Sue.

The Knight Is Young

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The news that the Batman: Arkham prequel, now known to be called Origins, would be appearing this year took many by surprise, as most weren't aware that it was already in production, let alone by Warner Games Montreal, rather then franchise originators Rocksteady. Also surprising was the rumour that Rocksteady didn't tackle this job in favour of producing a proper followup to City, presumed to be a launch title for the PS4 (and hopefully include more of the original voice cast, as not even Kevin Conroy is returning as the Bat in this game).

Let me just say, if the game play graphics of Origins match the level of quality on the cinematics featured in this first trailer for the game, it's no wonder the next game is being held for the next generation: this thing looks gorgeous. And the original two games didn't have that much of a difference between cut scene and game play, so I'm hoping that it'll be more of the same.

Which begs the question: until Batman Begins, the most critically successful Batman film was Mask of the Phantasm. Ask most Bat fans which is their favourite alternate medium version of the character, and most would say the Animated Series. Animation is cheaper to produce, isn't hampered by the inclusion of less then believable CG because it's all CG, and Kevin Conroy is the goddamn Batman. So why doesn't Warner Bros look at producing an animated series of Batman films, for theatrical release, done to the standard of Arkham level cinematics? This trailer had me gripped,a nd I would pay many monies to see a ninty minute version of that.

Seriously, Explain to me exactly how that isn't a win-win idea? Warners will make money, because anything with the Bat symbol on it does, it'll cost them a fraction of what a Nolan-level film would cost (in voice casting alone), meaning they could turn out a trilogy for the cost of a Dark Knight Rises ($300 million, if you were wondering), and we the fans would get the Bat films we deserve and need. Sure, rendering all that will take time, but as processing power and skill continue to develop, the animation process gets faster. And no one complains when it takes Pixar two to three years to turn out a new feature, up from five or six on Toy Story.

Until then, we're getting that much closer to a Batman game that is just Batman in a Saints Row-style, completely unrestricted sandbox Gotham, and the only task we're given is to "be the night."

Via The Mary Sue.

[Review] - Warehouse 13, Season 4 Episode 14, "The Sky's The Limit"

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Courtesy of Universal Cable Productions.

For those that hadn't heard already, Warehouse 13 has officially been cancelled by Syfy. Sort of. Unlike the complete brush off they gave to Eureka, the network, which also renewed their new series Defiance for a second season, has given the series a final fifth season of six episodes (half their usual count) to rap up any plot threads left lingering from the current season, which was filmed late last year (James Marsters said he was on set in the fall, and Anthony Stewart Head was spotted in Toronto last October). Despite a proto-pilot being shot for a period H.G. Wells spin off, and claims from Marsters himself that producer Jack Kenny was interested in spinning off the Count of Saint Germain character, the departure of Warehouse 13 next year will all but kill the so called Syfy-verse, which had been the shared universe between itself, Eureka and Alphas.

And I figured as much. As I said in my review of the mid season premier, when Syfy starts breaking it's shows into #.5 seasons, it means it's saving money by ordering more episodes upfront and spreading them out over time. And that has historically been a precursor to the biggest money saving tactic there is: stop ordering episodes altogether. And despite what the tone of these reviews might suggest, I will miss it. Not the show so much as the characters. No matter the craptacular plots the writers might stick them in, this is a collection of characters that are good to know, and will be hard to leave behind. And this episode was a reminder of that.

Hit the jump for the review, which contains spoilers that are under constant threat of floating away.


It's always nice to see Joel Gray having fun, and he's clearly having some as the ageing magician, but his "whammy of the week" storyline wasn't the heart of this episode. Neither was Claudia and Jinx and the collection of horribly fake British accents in their diversion (though I do appreciate that the show has, after three Amero-centric years, decided to go more international. Or, as international as Toronto can be). The meat and heart of this episode was Artie. And a new addition to the Warehouse team in Kelly Hu, who will be recurring for the remainder of the season. 

I complained last week about the Regents simply not getting Artie a therapist, and look what happened: a therapist. Yay show. I like that, now that he's had time to settle into his grief, Artie is dealing with his emotions by becoming even more Artie. Increasingly irritable, jumpy, disgruntled. All a wall to hide the fact that he's ready to collapse emotionally. The sad piano playing Artie was fine for a while, and I'm glad to see the writers keeping his evolution through the process fresh. And Saul Rubinek, as always, is the gem of this show. He hit the fragility of Artie's state out of the park.

And Kelly Hu seemed to slip right into the role of the new Bed and Breakfast owner, and into the Warehouse without issue. She is also a damaged soul, looking for salvation as much as Artie is, and Mrs. Frederic obviously thinks they'll be able to help each other. What was refreshing was, as a new comer, she wasn't intimidated or overwhelmed by the Warehouse, and immediately suggested using the artifacts rather then locking them away. Even if it was only to illustrate a point, that she might represent another as of yet untapped mind set will make her a valuable member of the team. And that she has her own issues to work through already means she's a fuller and more interesting character then Leena ever was. Hopefully, one of the five (now four) episodes she's set to appear in will focus on her struggles, rather then just keeping her as a background element for Artie to interact with.

Elsewhere, the episode tackled the concept of magic, and while they've never given a label to what makes exactly artifacts work, its as good as one as any. Which made it a nice juxtaposition to Eureka, and made their crossovers that much more fun. It also got a dig in on Criss Angel, about five years after such references were relevant (is he even still a thing?). Joel Gray was great, but the episode feel down when it came to some truly rubbish CG towards the end, which completely knocked me out of the story. I think at this point, the writers have decided its better just to get Pete and Myka interacting together rather then focusing on the plot, because lets be honest, the sibling-bickering between them is the shows best quality. 

The same can be said of Claudia and Jinx, and if Allison Scagliotti's horse whinny wasn't unscripted, then they made the right choice keeping it in. The way Ashmore broke up speaks volumes to me about how this cast gets along, and brings that through on camera. It's just a shame that they have to do in in plots like the horse racing stuff, which was just filler, and could have been solved in a single segment block. Of course, it could also just have been an excuse to get Claudia dressed up in what I'm going to call punk-posh.

In two weeks, HG returns, and lets just hope she gets more to do then she did in the first half of the season.

It No Longer Matters If He Lives Or Dies

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I've had a love-hate relationship with Dexter since about season 4 (note that only these first seasons are recapped in this trailer for season 8). The regularity in which you can predict when in a season episodes will become pointless or go off arc is amazing, and more then a little disconcerting. The seasons tend to begin and end strong, but no arc since the Trinity killer has lived up to the potential they exhibit (this past season was a traffic accident of potential fantastic plots, none of which really developed into anything). So put me in the column that will be glad to see the show end this summer, long after it outlived it's own usefulness.

Plus Deb may well be the most annoying character currently on TV, and it doesn't look like she'll be getting any less so. But having watched this trailer, which also makes no reference to the return of Yvonne Strahovski, I know 100% that I feel no connection to these characters anymore. I'm not interested in them, or how the show will end. And I'll be watching it only out of deranged obligation, and to make certain it actually ends.

It's Not Hoth, But It's Close

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There are, presumably, two hard science fiction films coming out this year that are competing for my affections. One, Gravity, we've seen some from already. The other, Europa Report, from Sebastian Cordero, we've only caught a glimpse of until now. 

Starring District 9 and A-Team star Sharlto Copley, the film is an examination of a current-level science mission to Europa, a moon of Jupiter which all real world research thus far pretty much concludes probably has a massive liquid ocean under a thick ice surface (better still, that pockets within the kilometres thick ice sheet might have isolated liquid lakes). The water, plus the heat from tectonic stress from the near by gas giant, and the moon's only internal core, make Europa the best possible candidate for the existence of life elsewhere within our own solar system. There are very real scientists for whom Europa is a primary concern, and NASA has begun planning future missions to study it more closely. Europa Report posits an eventual manned mission to the ice world, and of course, everything goes wrong, because doesn't it always.

Until the possible ET's appear, the film looks phenomenal  The line between the created images, and the real footage generated during the Apollo missions and modern space voyages is non existent. I hesitate slightly when the bugs or whatever appear, because I'd like to see a film tackle just a straight edge hard science fiction space story without the standard sci-fi tropes kicking in, and I'd like to see a alien film where first contact wasn't presented as a bad thing (even if the aliens don't mean malicious intent, I'd like to see them not kill humans for a change). I will however, be giving Europa Report one hell of a chance to impress me.

But really, don't wake up Cthulhu.

[Opinion] - Where Star Trek Needs To Boldly Go From Here

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Courtesy of Paramount Studios
Into Darkness made only as much as it's predecessor did four years ago over the weekend and was not the box office Goliath that Paramount was hoping it would be. I suspect this is because, despite Abram's attempt to make it as accessible as possible, Trek has a nearly 50 year old cultural association with a certain kind of person that, say, Iron Man doesn't (also, less Robert Downey Jr.), and that trying to convince someone who associates Trek with that sort of person to see the film would be an up hill battle. It is also a seriously flawed film (see my opinion of it in detail first here, then here). Rather then use the rebooted timeline as an opportunity to create a fresh, original story that long time fans and the general public could equally enjoy, instead they went the fan-wank remake route, and alienated both groups (opening in the middle of the week only works when you generate good word of mouth. Otherwise, it's only the diehards that will be watching).

So where does it go from here? Well, the cast at least made out well from the second film, having largely established the roles of these iconic characters for themselves (Pine, Quinto and Pegg more so then the others, by benefit of having had more to do across the two films then the rest). So, there is a cast who can be relied on to play to their strengths no matter the script's weaknesses, something the original cast was more then capable of doing as well. But in terms of story, of connective narratives between features, and in terms of celebrating fifty years of Star Trek without using the Seth McFarlane method of referencing, what needs to happen to ensure the next film, the fiftieth anniversary film, will be better?

Hit the jump for my thoughts, which contains spoilers for Darkness.

I should make clear, as far as I'm concerned, these are not either/or options. Each and every one of these conditions needs to happen before a third film can move forward, and for there to be an expectation of quality in that picture.


Ditch The Creative Team

While I adamantly believe more of the blame for Darkness' failures rest on the writers then on the director, Abrams was there, approving this script all the way. And for that alone, they all need to get gone. J.J. Abrams is already committed to Star Wars, and if the studio desire to have a Trek picture out for 2016 are to be met, then he won't be available. But even if they wait another four years (long enough, one would have thought, to develop an original idea rather then steal someone else's better one from thirty years ago), Abrams needs to step back. And he needs to take his writing team with him. Kurtzman and Orci brought the franchise back, but have become far too reliant on checking Memory Alpha for every little Easter Egg they can squeeze into a scene. Real movies don't go around winking at themselves all the time, and when they do, they are subtle and graceful about it (see 007's Die Another Day compared to Skyfall). The closest the original films came to that was Voyage Home, and even then they were just having fun rather then making fun. And the addition of Damon Lindelof to the credits at the same time the movie became bogged down in abandoned subplots and needlessly complicated twists can't be an accident.

I have no problem with Bad Robot producing the film, the latest Mission: Impossible movie proved that under Bryan Burk's watchful eye, a director can bring his own style and directions to a film without being overwhelmed by the master's hand. So if BR wants to observe from a distance, go ahead. But bring in new blood. And there are as many writers in Hollywood who had their minds shaped by Trek as there have been Star Wars, it just seems like Wars fans are more vocal about it. In terms of directors, why not look at people like Alfonso Cuarón or Brad Bird. Cuarón's forth coming Gravity certainly makes it look like he's got a handle on this whole space thing, and might bring a greater sense of realism to a Trek piece, which Abrams touched on to great praise in the '09 reboot (no sound in space, and so forth). His filmography certainly promises that he'd be able to capture the raw humanity of the characters, and would bring something excitingly basic to the franchise. Alternatively, Brad Bird has honed his art of comedy with the Simpsons, the art of story with the masters over at Pixar, and his live action credentials are shaping up nicely. Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocal was a critical and financial success that managed to balance action with character, and his forthcoming Tomorrowland is getting early buzz (though, again, Lindelof). And, both have established relationships with Bad Robot, Cuarón through his new TV series Believe, and Bird through M:I5.

Maintain The Trinity


The emotional backbone of Star Trek is not Kirk and Spock. It is Kirk, Spock and McCoy. They are archetypes for the human condition: Kirk, the strength; Spock, the mind; Bones, the heart. Even their roles on the ship; the warrior, the scientist, and the healer are archetypal. It's the three of them together that are the strongest force of good on the ship, not just the two. It was the three of them together on the original series opening credits, it was the three of them that were always part of the landing party, and in every moment that mattered it was the three of them together. Remember, McCoy was there when Spock died too. The reboot films have done very little to establish anything beyond a comedic relief role for Karl Urban, who was the first recast actor to really inhabit his role, and done nothing to unite the three of them together. Bones knows Kirk, Kirk knows Spock, but Spock and Bones are only ever adversarial towards each other. Oddly, Into Darkness, in an effort to give more material to fan favourite and marketable name Simon Pegg, put a lot of Bones' tranditional role onto Scotty. But it has to be Bones. 

It's just a shame that in the original films, the best material featuring the three of them together comes from the worst of the original movies, Final Frontier. It was the one thing that Shatner got exactly right.

Use The Characters
Courtesy of Paramount Studios

The presumptive addition of Carol Marcus, played by Alice Eve, to the recurring Enterprise crew was smart for two reasons. First, it added a second female character to a character set that needed one. And two, it added a female character whose role wasn't entirely based around a romance with a male lead. Despite the franchise history between Marcus and Kirk (she bore him a secret son, who was then gutted by Klingons), there was only minimal flirting (more so between her and Bones), and no romantic subplot in Darkness, about the only subplot there wasn't. Now, wouldn't it have been wonderful if she had had something else to do as well?

In a two hour movie, it is hard to balance a large cast of characters. Few non-Joss Whedons can pull it off. Inevitably, someone gets less time then others. The NextGen movies didn't even try, making it all about Picard and Data, and forgetting that poor Dr. Crusher was even a member of the crew. This was a complaint against the first film, in which Simon Pegg (at the time, the biggest name in the film) didn't show up until the third act and had barely anything to do otherwise. His role in Darkness was significantly expanded. But at least in the first film, Sulu had a function, and Chekov had a role. And even the Orion girl had a moment. In Darkness, Sulu gets to sit down, and Chekov hits a button. Marcus is introduced, but not used. Bones makes some jokes. Even Uhura, whom the advertising would have you believe had replaced Bones as a member of the Trinity, does nothing of substance in this film except try to make tough-talk at a Klingon (which, by the way, Saldana's Klingon was terrible). Trek is at its best when it is about characters, and at its worst when the characters are just putting in appearances.

No More Cameos


Leonard Nimoy's role as Spock in Star Trek was important and necessary for two reasons. One, it actually was part of the plot, that Nero's revenge was against Vulcan, but focused on Spock, which carries over to the younger version. Second, it provided a connection to the past, not just within the film in regards to establishing the alternate timeline, but with the original cast in real life. It is never easier to accept a new actor in a role then when an established character looks at them and says "hey, I know you," (look at Don Cheadle's first line of dialogue in Iron Man 2). And as much as we all love William Shatner and Captain Kirk, it really is Nimoy and Spock that are the stars of the franchise, and had more creative influence over the series. It provided a touching farewell to the original version of the character, who unlike Kirk, never got a proper one. Knowing that gets to live to death, in the days of youth, still helping to bring peace to his people, was nice.

His appearance in Into Darkness was the opposite of all that. It was intrusive, disruptive, and undermined all the meaning and grace that I described above. And worst yet, it meant that Khan's potential character arc in the film had only one possible conclusion, rather then any possible new directions the writers might have considered. It also suggested that Spock Prime is just setting around New Vulcan, waiting for his young self to call, like a tired old grandfather, sucking on hard candy and talking about The War. His brief appearance devalued the character, and the plot (which didn't have much value left at that point anyway).

The NextGen films didn't feel the need to put an original series cast member in each of their films. They had Kirk in the first, to pass the baton, and after that they were left to stand on their own. So too does this new timeline. Any chance they had to include any of the old guard else left them in 2009. From here on out, it needs to be just the new actors, to grow into their roles in the franchise. Otherwise, all they can ever be are pale imitations. And I honestly believe that this new cast can own these roles as wholly and completely as the original actors did. They just need the chance to prove it, and they can't do that with the echoes of the future hanging over their heads.

Plus, it's really unfair to Quinto. It's like looking at a cosplayer stand next to the real thing.

Be Original
Courtesy of Namco Bandai Games

Darkness ends with the Enterprise setting off on their famous five year mission. While a nice expression that the films are moving into the emotional territory of the show, it is also dangerous. Clearly, the writers are not beyond simply copying and pasting material from old scripts. So the temptation will be there to simply take an old episode and expand it out to the length of a film. This is so utterly the wrong way to go, and the major flaw of Darkness. As tempting as it might be, now that Wrath of Khan was xeroxed, to redo Mirror, Mirror, or Errand of Mercy (and to be fair, they are the two original series episodes that could best be adapted to film) that impulse needs to be supressed in favour of original content.

All you need to do for proof of this is look at the ongoing IDW comics. When they began, they were straight up retellings of classic episodes, using the new actor's faces and altering little things about the story to make it more relevant to the reboot film. The versions of Galieo Seven and Where No Man Has Gone Before are placid, not inspiring anything but "hey, I know this story already." Far better are the Vulcan's Vengence, which seemed like a far better plot for the follow up film, or the recent character study issues starting with the excellent Redshirt's Tale, or the issue exploring the backstory of Scotty's sidekick Keenser. With a new timeline comes the potential for new stories, new adversaries and new challenges. There simply isn't a point in getting excited about the franchise moving forward if all they are going to do is make "old shames" shiner looking (ask Doctor Who how that's worked out for them this past series).

One option to explore might be the current Marvel route, who is using each new feature to explore a different genre of film (IM3=mystery, Cap 2=espionage, Guardians=space opera). While Trek is a science fiction, the original series had western episodes, and gangster episodes and ran the gamut on genre exploration (strange new worlds, and all that). Why limit the films to a single genre too? Voyage Home was a comedy, Wrath was a submarine movie, and Undiscovered Country was a political thriller. How about a horror movie?

New Villains

Following on from the last point, the movies need to keep including new villains. Say what you will about Nero, but he was original, he was effective and he was a threat. The original films, Khan aside, never dipped into the original series for adversaries, and because of that we got Christopher Llyod and Christopher Plummer playing Klingons, we had Sybok, who for that film's flaws was at least unique. The Voyage Home didn't even have a villain, unless you count the inanimate carbon rod, but it was little more then a MacGuffin. Even the NextGen films that didn't work still kept it original, introducing the Borg Queen, Picard's Romulan clone and F. Murray Abraham as the guy with the skin condition.

Replicating Khan was a huge mistake, and if they had left him as John Harrison a lot of people wouldn't have as much of a problem with Darkness as they do (also assuming that a Khan-less script would have required the writers to actually write something rather then transcribe the DVD closed captioning). I have a hard time believing that in four years, they couldn't come up with a better idea. I have a hard time believing this because they had a better idea the year the reboot came out. Said Kurtzman and Orci in a 2009 interview with Collider, "the exploration sci-fi plot where the unknown and nature itself is somehow an adversary or the villain model. That’s an active discussion we’re having right now." Not active enough apparently. Moving into the five year mission is the perfect opportunity to explore a high concept like this. How many episodes were about some entity effecting the crew's emotional states, paired with the ship being out in deep space on their own, without the rest of the fleet to back them up, gone from their homes and families for years at a time. A tense, psychological thriller set on board the Enterprise might be just what the franchise needs.

The instinct might be to make the next film about Klingons. I say resist that urge as long as possible. The Klingons are like the Daleks, they've been used too often, and there are plenty of other races to explore (which was the reasoning behind using Romulans in the reboot), or invent a new race. By the same tact, Kurtzman and Orci have been saying stupid things about using the Borg or Q, things that have no place in the reboot universe. 

Return To TV
Courtesy of Paramount Studios

TV is where it began, and because Star Trek is at its best when about character rather then plot, TV is where it is at its best (I've always maintained that TV is for characters, who evolve over time, and film is for story that gets told and gets out. Or TV is a novel, film is a short story. Take your pick). Cho's Sulu and Yelchin's Chekov have had little or nothing to do in the movies, because they are Kirk and Spock's movies. It will always be that way. There won't ever be a Chekov movie. But there would be Chekov episodes. 

Not Chekov though, obviously. Despite Quinto, Cho, Pegg and Urban all coming (or going) from TV, the cast are increasingly becoming movie stars, and the Enterprise has grown a bit big for the small screen. But, if Bad Robot is known for anything, it is getting shows put on TV. Next season they'll have four series across three networks on air. And Bryan Fuller, current creator of Hannibal and former Star Trek Voyager writer (helps to have the pedigree even if it was on the worst of the series) has an idea already. Speaking to Den of Geek, Fuller said, "I would love to do something on the Reliant... I want Angela Bassett to be the captain, that’s who I would love to have, you know Captain Angela Bassett and First Officer Rosario Dawson. I would love to do that version of the show and but that’s in the future to be told."

An original series, set during the film's timeline, running parallel to the movies but not overlapping. Where have I heard something like this before? Oh, right. Agents of SHIELD. Abrams and company would be wise to watch how Whedon and Marvel handle SHIELD in the coming season, and see if the same methods could be applied to a Star Trek series. Apparently, there are complex rights issues that prevented Abrams from doing this already, but if enough money passes overhand, I'm sure there is a way to resolve them so that everybody wins. Ideally the show would exist on cable, with limited episode counts, though considering how much creative freedom NBC has been giving Fuller on Hannibal, and their relationship with Abrams (two of his current shows are on the peacock), could this be the opportunity for the franchise to return to the network it originated on?

Masturbation, Swollen Testicles And Drinking Blood: Summer Movie Season 2013 Ladies And Gentlemen

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Finally, here is the trailer for Joseph-Gordon Levitt's directorial debut (he also wrote it) Don Jon, which everyone completely lost their shit over at Sundance earlier this year. The comedy is about a man dealing with an obsession with internet porn, who meets the girl of his dreams (Scarlett Johansson), and she doesn't take it well. From the look of the trailer, she well be a cinephile herself. Of the none yada yada variety. Co-starring Tony Danze, Julianne Moore, and Glenne Headly. It looks hilarious, and I'm much more interested in Levitt's career then say, Ryan Gosling, who for some reason my mind has paired those two. I don't confuse them, but whenever I think of one, I tend to think of the other. 

Weird.

Hit the jump for Byzantium, and the red band trailer for We're The Millers.


I've been a fan of Gemma Arterton since Lost in Austen. When in Britain, she makes good movies, and proves herself time and time again to be a fantastic actress (Disappearance of Alice Creed, Tamara Drewe, St. Trinian's). When she crosses the pond however, she makes terrible career decisions (Hansel and Gretel: Candy Stripers, Prince of Persia, Clash of the Titans). I can only figure she takes big stupid American film roles to make certain she has enough cash on hand, so she can make the smaller, better English pictures.

Now she's starring in Byzantium, a vampire picture from Interview with a Vampire director Neil Jordon at the helm, and from the look of the trailer it seems to fly in the face of most vampire pictures, and certainly the recent shiny-loving-nice vampire obsession that has swept the female youth market. The film co-stars Saoirse Ronan (Hanna) as Arterton's eternally sixteen-and-hating-it daughter. We'll have to wait to see which of Arterton's categories it fall into, but it could be worth a look.

Last up, looks like Jennifer Aniston is attempting to continue the new career trajectory she started in Horrible Bosses with We're The Millers, starring Bosses co-star Jason Sudeikis as a drug dealer who is forced by Ed Helms to travel to Mexico to pick up some weed. To help him not get searched at the border, he enlists an ageing stripper (Aniston), an emotionally stunted neighbour (Will Poulter), and a street kid (a foul mouthed Emma Roberts, looking to shrug off her Disney years much like when Hilary Duff put that scorpion down her trunks) as his fake family, the Millers. Hilarity is then expected to ensue when things do not go as planned. I find Sudeikis funny, I will admit that. I like him more then most of his SNL cronies, and he's less annoying then Zach Galifianakis. But this film looks so much like Identity Thief turned out to be: a series of sketches using the road trip movie framework, that all comes to a gag inducing happy ending, where everyone learns and loves and grows as people.

Nick Offerman is in it, though, in what will undoubtedly be the funniest scene in the film. And might be enough to get me to buy a ticket. Maybe.

Before you watch this red band trailer, be warned there is some stuff in here you don't want your boss walking into your cubicle while you are watching it. Some below the pants stuff. Some enlarged testicles stuff. Also, lots of cussing.



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